Mammon

Ahh, to be rich. It is something I have always thought about. It has actually filled my thoughts on quite a few occasions. I cannot seem to shake the feeling that I want more. I am a person who prides myself on the fact that I live simply and care about the poor. My entire existence has been about helping those in need. The interesting conflict I face is one of wanting to help the poor without being among them.

I rationalize and justify my longings for more material resources through some very creative mental gymnastics fueled by moral flexibility. I argue with myself that, “Hey, my tastes are not extravagant. I don’t need two houses or a boat. I just like a decent TV and an Xbox 360. Therefore, I am somehow in a better position than I would be if I craved the larger things. I do get angry sometimes. I have never made more than $25,000 in a year. Ever. The best year we ever had as a family of five was a combined income of $45,000. That was an outrageous year and far from the norm. I don’t want much. I just want to refrain from worrying about if we are going to make our bills. Yet, there it is again, the qualifier of, “I don’t want much.” I speak it as if, from my mouth to God’s ear, I will somehow appeal to His better sense of charity, thereby releasing some of his financial blessing.

I think when Jesus said, “The love of money is the root of all evil,” this is to what He was referring. We always think that statement refers to rich people. That’s how I make myself feel better. I don’t have any money, therefore He cannot be talking about me. On the contrary, I am exactly to whom He is speaking. There is nothing wrong with being rich. I have a number of people in my life who have quite a bit of material wealth. I do not envy them that, nor do I see them as morally or spiritually inferior. I have known a number of wealthy people who are almost apologetic about their money, pretending to be on a tight budget when talking to me. They are kind, and they want me to see them as in solidarity with me. I do see them that way. But, I don’t want them to quit their lucrative positions and become poor. This is where I have a problem with self-righteous, social justice oriented people. They act as if we would all be better off if everyone was destitute, like the solution to poverty is more poverty. No, I want to see the wealthy keep their jobs and hold on loosely to their wealth as a gift from God to be given away freely. I want them to stay rich to support my ministry. In that way, they are staying true to their own vision and calling. I, for my part, just have to change my attitude in a prayer-filled and loving way. God, if I could only stop being a sinner.