Mmmmm......Church.

I have really enjoyed church lately. It wasn't always that way. As a matter of fact, there was a time where I was driving home every Sunday in tears, cussing under my breath because of how much I hated church. I was still the pastor then, too! It wasn't the people, but it was the culture of the church. It felt so corporate and contrived. Everything seemed to feel like a play. We were play-acting for one another, never really connecting with other people or with God. It was extremely difficult. It was difficult to the point of Teresa and I shutting down the plant and taking an entire year to pray about the direction of the church. We changed the whole identity of the church to Adullam Vineyard, and we moved forward.

So here we are, things are going great. We have some of the best friends, very natural friendships, that we have ever had. Most people have no idea how hard it is to have natural friendships as a minister. It is so easy to slip into seeing people as projects, to have strategic relationships in order to try to recruit people to the growing church or to be constantly trying to pastor them.

I have been a professional minister for 17 years, and I have never experienced anything like what I am enjoying now with Adullam. I get to be a person, a fellow adventurer on this journey of faith with many good people. These people are incredible! They love me and relate with me as friends. We are all becoming better people. It is so strange, because we have just recently started this thing, yet it feels like the community and the relationships have existed for years.

There is a part of me that is still resists all of this, because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I love the friendships, yet, in moments of doubt, I expect people to leave en mass. Yet it seems different this time. The lack of control that I have is good, because it keeps me humble. It keeps my pride from taking over, thinking I am some great pastor, bringing all of these people into the church. God has planted a vision in Adullam, and some really great people have risen to the occasion to buy into that vision. I am going to enjoy the ride for however long our visions line up. I have realized that I am a blessed man.

Pressure to Blog

Lora, I don't know what to say.