Where Has All the Spirit Gone?

I am experiencing some angst. Of course, as a quintessential Gen X’er, it is quite expected that I would carry angst. However, what I am experiencing is not quite a “Pearl-Jam-raging-against-Ticketmaster-because-Eddie-Vedder-could- only-be-angry-at-his-parents-for-so-long-before-losing-momentum- and-needing-a-new-object-of-wrath” kind of angst. Rather it is a frustration and disappointment with the older generation in the Body of Christ. My mom was a hard core Charismatic Renewal person in the 70s and early 80s. If you don’t know what that term means, it refers to a real movement or time of renewed activity of the Holy Spirit. I saw some really crazy stuff during that time. I was only 5 years old when my mom started hanging out with this Spirit-filled prayer group. They were rockin’ and rollin’, speakin’ in tongues, castin’ out demons, healin’ the sick prayer warriors, and I got to see and experience some really awesome stuff. My God was a big God who could do anything at all, whenever he wanted. When He showed up, He showed up in power and authority. His very presence demanded respect and awe. Every moment was full of the supernatural and was charged with infinite possibility.

Now, as a young pastor in the Vineyard, a community of churches founded in renewal and the power of the Holy Spirit, I am frustrated that we are not experiencing these things much anymore. I am being offered condolences and pity from the “old timers” in the Vineyard. They say things like, “Yeah, this was a good conference, Bill, but you should have seen what they were like when Wimber was around!” or “You should have seen the Spirit move in the old days!” I am told that we are just in a trough between waves of the Spirit. Perhaps it is just me, but I find that to be dissatisfying, inconsistent, and more than a little sad. I love the Vineyard. It is my family; my tribe. Also, this is not just a factor in the Vineyard. Many churches that were formally on fire with the power of the Spirit are hardly even a dying ember anymore. People shrug, say “oh, well”, and hunker down to wait for the next great revival. I can’t even fathom the absurd notion that I may have peaked spiritually as a 6 year old Catholic!

I see no evidence in Scripture of God teasing us by giving, withdrawing, and re-giving the Spirit, like some kind of divine yo-yo diet. In fact, in John 14, in referring to the sending of the Spirit, He says that He does not give as the world gives. In Scripture, He has pulled back from individuals, usually to speak to the person by His absence, as in the case of Job. Sometimes He would withdraw from a person to punish or judge, as in the case of King Saul. The only time He withdrew from His people as a whole was in the inter-testamental period, when the prophets were silent. I think when the Spirit came at Pentecost, it came to stay. I think the waves are not with the Spirit, but with us. We stop paying attention. We lose the awe and wonder. We get sick of holding revival services every day for 2 straight years. We start to handle the Sacred with the flippancy of Uzzah with the Ark. I am not a Dispensationalist, so I do not believe the Spirit comes and goes. So why are we continuing to miss it? The miracles and manifest power of God has not ceased to be displayed in places like China or Africa. In fact, there are still accounts of people being raised from the dead in those places! Personally, I am sick of the fatalism that comes from thinking that we have to wait for the next great revival. I think God is poised and ready to move right now. Actually, He is already moving. We have to reawaken our hunger for Him! As the Church in America, we need to stop pretending to be filled and satisfied with powerless services and small groups that are more like therapy than ministry. Lately, it seems like almost daily I get an email to pray for a pastor in the Vineyard who has cancer, or I hear of some other illness or fall from grace of a person in ministry. I am not saying those pastors do not have enough faith. I would never say that, because it is simply not true. It seems, however, that ever since our founder died of cancer, that demon has all but defeated our church. I think it is time we said “Enough!” and we start fasting and praying to conquer this satanic disease and every other one known to humanity. I want to see demons cast out, the sick healed, and the captives set free! I even want to see the dead raised! I simply think it is foolishness to wait another 50 years, and our nostalgia is not going to save anybody. We will see a new and fresh outpouring of the Spirit that goes beyond anything in the past, if we merely see our need and desperation for God to move in our lives. We must acknowledge our spiritual poverty and seek his face. We need to crest again with the power of the Spirit, because the Devil rejoices in our disempowerment. Let’s wake up and see God move! Maybe I am foolish, or maybe I have never really lost that sense that God can do anything He wants whenever He wants. I Think He is right here waiting. My breath is caught in my lungs, because the Kingdom is going to break in right now or at any moment. Let’s not miss it!

Not So Hasty Departure

A dear friend responded to my last post with a fairly direct criticism. I have absolutely no problem with friends challenging me. I love having people speak into my life. However, what hurt about this comment is the fact that it is completely untrue. It did point out a glaring problem in my life that needs addressing, however. Those I love obviously don't know why I left the Catholic Church to become a Vineyard pastor. This is not to attack my friend, but to clear up misunderstanding.

I grew up in the American Catholic Church, which calls itself the Roman Catholic Church. I was a bit schizophrenic, because I was also raised in the Assemblies of God. Now, for those of us unfamiliar with Catholicism, one does not "attend" the Catholic Church. One says, "I am a Catholic". As an American Catholic, I was always "fed". I have never felt that I was not being fed in the Catholic Church, nor did I ever utter the words, "I am not being fed." My wife, who is always willing to point out my hypocrisy and inconsistencies (God bless her), agrees that I have never said that in our 11+ years of marriage. No, that is not why I left. When my first daughter, Grace, was born, my life was rocked. I was forced to face all of my fears and to look carefully at my life and my faith. I realized that the church where I ministered and worshipped was not Roman Catholic, but was very American. If I was going to call myself a Roman Catholic, I had to find out what that really meant.

I left not because of not being fed, but because of the following reasons. First, I felt a strong calling to be a pastor. As a married man, I could not do that in the Roman Catholic Church. As a professional Youth Minister in a large parish, I could go no further. Second, when I found the Vineyard, I found my Tribe. My Home. There was no reason to look any further. I simply was among my people in the Vineyard. Lastly, and most importantly, after studying the Catechism of the Roman Catholic Church, I realized I knew in my heart of hearts that much of the theology was simply wrong. Issues of trans-substantiation, birth control, Marian devotion, Papal adoration, the male-only & celibate priesthood, teachings from formal Cardinal Ratzinger and others centered around Mary as co-redemptrix, and putting tradition on the same authoritative level with Scripture are just a few of the glaring problems I encountered. I simply cannot be a part of a Church that is so wrong, and still declares that it is the only one with the Truth. There is so much that is right, true, and good about the Catholic faith, but is does not come close to having the corner on Truth. The Vineyard, where I am now, does not alone contain the entirety of Truth either. However, my church home does not claim to have the whole Truth. We understand that it takes all of the Body of Christ in all of its beauty, diversity, and expression to worship such an amazing, powerful, and all-encompassing God.

I simply needed to be free to worship God in Spirit and in Truth.