A Small Conversion of My Heart

I was having a hard day today. First of all, I screwed up royally at work. I turned my phone off while I was having lunch with my wife at the hospital. (Don't go praying for my wife for some illness. She works at a hospital as a chaplain. If you are going to pray for her for anything, pray that she will be able to survive marriage to me.) I turned it off, because you are not supposed to use cell phones ever in a hospital. EVER!! I never really understood that. I mean, I can see it on a flight during take off and landing, because it could interfere with traffic control, and suddenly, instead of talking to your buddy about how much fun you had on your trip to Holland, and how into clogging you now are, and how you met a midget ostrich wrangler named Eustance who collects stamps, but only Elvis ones, you are now in charge of bringing a 747 in at a normal rate of speed and with the correct side up. WOW. Sorry. At any rate, I could never figure out why it was so wrong in a hospital. I am not sure if it is like a helium balloon thing. Every time you release a helium balloon a dolphin dies somewhere in the world, and when you fire up your cell phone in a hospital the guy on the vent on floor three suddenly loses his life support. I never turned it back on. Of course, I am back at the office and all afternoon my boss is trying to get in touch with me. I got a small lecture about keeping my phone on. I work hard and aim to please, and this was a stupid mistake.

One thing I cannot tolerate in myself is a stupid mistake. I make them all the time, and I am far from perfect, but I still struggle with letting myself off the hook for them. I will punish and berate myself repeatedly for the smallest stuff. It was just so boneheaded, and I could not let it go. I am really unfair to myself in that way. Then, later in the evening, I go to get a simple rope chew toy for my gigantic dog, so she will stop eating the full grown maple in the back yard. Yes, she is actually chewing the tree. Anyway, my card gets declined. Then my next card gets declined. I was far too embarrassed at that point to leave the rope there. I now owe the church $10 for this stupid chew toy, just because I felt so stupid. It was a humbling day. On my way home from the store, I started crying out to God, yelling about how sick I am of being poor. I have done everything he asked me to do, without hesitation. Why, in his name, could I not just have a taste of my inheritance?

Then, we went to the home of a couple who live up the street from us. We had an incredible, deep, and powerful conversation about God, faith, and the Church. It was awesome! This is not a couple we are trying to get into the church. In fact, we don't approach anyone that way. We are looking for friendships. God has made us dissatisfied with church relationships we have formed in the past. We look for friendships. We love our friends, and we want to seek God with those friends and worship with them. You share those important parts of your life with friends. These people up the street are becoming friends, but we don't use them to fill our church. We love them already, and we love just hanging out with them. This way of living is so refreshing.

On my walk home from their house, God spoke to me very clearly. He told me that in relationships like the ones Teresa and I formed with that couple, I would find my inheritance. I won't need to be perfect. I won't need to be all shiny and cleaned up. It's okay if I'm too po to buy chew toys right now. I just have to be real and transparent. Through friendships like that, I will taste and see the goodness of the Lord. He fulfills his promises and is faithful to complete his work in us. I don't want to be shortsighted and miss him doing exactly that through the people I love.