Well, tomorrow's my birthday. I am finally turning 21. Okay, I'm a little older than that. Teresa and I went out with Greg and Lora, my mom, and our kids for pizza. It is a tradition for my birthday to go to this one place for pizza every year. I love the place.
I'm getting tired of it all, however. I have done many of the same traditions for many years with my birthday and Christmas, and they are all starting to feel contrived to me. I am going to race to bake cookies, race to buy presents, race to decorate the house, race to work, race to prepare church, and race to find my sanity, as I contemplate going postal. I have some Torah-observant friends who do not do Christmas. I used to think they were nuts, but now I think they are on to something. When I was a kid, this time of year was magical, with my birthday and Christmas all thrown together in a huge cacophony of lights and sounds, hope, magic, and anticipation. Now it feels like something I have to survive.
Tonight was awesome, though, because we were with friends. That was the difference. I really don't care about presents at all, but I love the excuse to connect with friends. I am struggling with balancing all of this stuff with my kids. I want them to have a sense of magic and wonder, without falling into the disillusionment of the darker side of this time of year. I am trying right now to emphasize the people stuff, rather than the stuff...stuff.
I want the awe and wonder back, and I don't want my kids to ever lose it.
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4 comments:
Yes, where did the magic go? I felt like scrooge this past Saturday night when we were having our "Christmas" with Sawyer. I struggled to be a part of it all...we did however sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. My mom baked him a cake and Sawyer loved blowing out the candles...and singing Jesus Loves me with Mama, Pauly, Warren (he mostly just be-bopped to the tune), Grandma Judy, Grandma Eileen, and Grandpa Tom. The sad thing is....we almost forgot about the cake in the chaos of gift opening and removing those stupid wire things from the toy boxes, etc. Sawyer was so serious as he sang the song, though. Sometimes I think he gets it more than I do...in his serious, intense, little man way. It will be magical for your kids...just be you...and love them the way you do...they will remember that more than anything.
I always feel like I want to "give it all up" in terms of the traditions and things that are just silly and in the way of realness.
I think that for people like you and I, who don't like to have anything shallow or "how's the weather" in our lives, a pre-planned annual anything can feel stodgy and dry at times.
It's kind of a rock and hard place...on one hand you want to have traditions, stability, and something to pass on to your family, while on the other hand it's hard to live up to the first year when it was fresh and spontaneous and all the things that made it worth doing again.
If you figure out what to do about it, let me know.
Maybe lower your expectations? That's what I like to tell all my new friends anyway. I find that we can get farther. Just lower your expectations, man. =)
Much Love
Whatever time of year it is, I think that we are all running around trying to play catch-up. You throw a hoilday in the mix that you have to do all the behind the sence work, it is enough to make you lose your hair.(no pun intended)
I think when you get older you have different things that are important. You want to see those family members that you only see once a year. You want to see the reaction of your little ones on Christmas morning.
I forgot to say,"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!"
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