I have really enjoyed church lately. It wasn't always that way. As a matter of fact, there was a time where I was driving home every Sunday in tears, cussing under my breath because of how much I hated church. I was still the pastor then, too! It wasn't the people, but it was the culture of the church. It felt so corporate and contrived. Everything seemed to feel like a play. We were play-acting for one another, never really connecting with other people or with God. It was extremely difficult. It was difficult to the point of Teresa and I shutting down the plant and taking an entire year to pray about the direction of the church. We changed the whole identity of the church to Adullam Vineyard, and we moved forward.
So here we are, things are going great. We have some of the best friends, very natural friendships, that we have ever had. Most people have no idea how hard it is to have natural friendships as a minister. It is so easy to slip into seeing people as projects, to have strategic relationships in order to try to recruit people to the growing church or to be constantly trying to pastor them.
I have been a professional minister for 17 years, and I have never experienced anything like what I am enjoying now with Adullam. I get to be a person, a fellow adventurer on this journey of faith with many good people. These people are incredible! They love me and relate with me as friends. We are all becoming better people. It is so strange, because we have just recently started this thing, yet it feels like the community and the relationships have existed for years.
There is a part of me that is still resists all of this, because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I love the friendships, yet, in moments of doubt, I expect people to leave en mass. Yet it seems different this time. The lack of control that I have is good, because it keeps me humble. It keeps my pride from taking over, thinking I am some great pastor, bringing all of these people into the church. God has planted a vision in Adullam, and some really great people have risen to the occasion to buy into that vision. I am going to enjoy the ride for however long our visions line up. I have realized that I am a blessed man.
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6 comments:
Yeah, a post! =)
And a GOOD one it is. And Church! Brother! Let me tell you. Well, more than likely I will some day this week, over dinner with the fam., or maybe just some coke and coffee. Not mixed, however. We must never mix our coke and coffee. =) Adallum IS God's. Your pastoral-ship-ness is so God too. I love it. I love the whole thing. Talk about a great concept and vision and way to reach the ones the world forgot, and more. Genuine love and natural relationship really is a good way to put it. Okay, I'm spilling over and not making good sense. We'll talk, I'm sure. It SUCKS that we couldn't all get together for the game yesterday. So sorry. We wanted to see you guys so much! =(
Much love
The feeling is mutual in our family too.
I can relate to the whole hating church thing...not the pastoring...but I remember a time when I felt awful every time I left church. Adullam is a cool community of people. It amazes me how different we all really are, yet how we are able to find these common bonds. I think that you and Teresa are doing a fantastic job as well as everyone else who is on your board and everyone else who is helping out on Sundays and during the week. I can see how it would be difficult to have friendships when pastoring. I have done the same thing with people in my life...sometimes I have been the project and a lot of times other people have been...but here it's cool to know we are all broken and in this together! You being real and exposing your imperfections helps our family to feel safe in some sort of strange way...maybe because we know this is more like the body of Christ than anything we have ever experienced. Paul actually woke up Saturday morning, shaved, and said," I don't think I have anything to wear today." I was like," Are we going somewhere?" He thought it was Sunday and he was getting ready for church....toooooooo weird!!!! That is not like my husband to skip to Sunday for church!! Thank you.
I must agree with you. If there is one thing that stands out in my mind about Adullam is how natural church feels. Like this is not a place I am at because it needs help, or because I have some sort of specail gifting. I am there to be me, bear fan and all. I just want to say thank you for following God vision.
ya know, I would have to agree. It is amazing how well we feel like a family. Helping out with things when neccesary and being there for each other. Very coolio! Thanks for being so faithful.
Hi there!
I just found your blog through Lora's face book page. Google is a wonderful thing:-)
We relate to your story. My husband and I where sent out as a Vineyard church plant six years ago. http://www.whatischurch.com/vc/
Unfortunately for us, our RO wasn't down with simple church/relational community things. We couldn't give him a viable enough 2 year plan so we were quietly asked to put up or shout up. (Wow I think I still need inner healing over that one) Anyway, we are loving the journey God has set us on with the people around us here.
It is always fun to find fellow compatriots.
Peace to you and your tribe!
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